Saiyajin Saga, Ladies' Style
by Miranda Shadowind
Summary: *Part 2 is up!* AU. We all know Vejita and Nappa wanted the dragonballs but botched the mission. But what if the former's sister and her friend jumped them and took off in their place? Inspired by a friend's parody of the Trunks Saga.
1. Part 1: An Unexpected Switch

The Saiya-jin Saga, Ladies' Style!  
Miranda Shadowind  
  
Part 1: An Unexpected Switch  
  
This just hadn't been Raditz's day. He'd landed on Planet Earth that morning in an attempt to locate his younger brother Kakarott and find out why the planet wasn't ready to be sold yet. As it turned out, the braindead baka had forgotten his mission and consequently denied his heritage. Not to mention the fact that Kakarott had disgraced himself by having his tail removed!   
  
The mission seemed to be a total waste until Raditz spotted Kakarott's son. Attempting to knock some sense into his brother's head, Raditz had kidnapped the brat and told his brother to destroy 100 humans as ransom. Even if that plan failed, he would still have a new warrior to bring back with him.   
  
No such luck. Fending off "dear brother" and his iguana-jin friend after they arrived wasn't the problem until the former yanked on Raditz's tail. That was easily remedied by messing with Kakarott's head. What Raditz hadn't counted on was his nephew's saiya-jin heritage kicking in. The brat escaped his pod prison and head-butted Raditz within a matter of seconds.  
  
That display of power settled it; the kid had to die. So what if he was family? If he learned to control that power, Raditz was screwed. But he had hesitated too long. Just as Raditz had started to power up, Kakarott got him in a tight bear hug from behind! The fool was going to sacrifice himself for a planet full of stupid humans!  
  
He tried to talk reason into his brother, but to no avail. Piccolo fired his big freakin' beam again, there was a big flash of light, then pain… Torturous pain… Which brings us to the present, where Raditz lay on his stomach.  
  
"Damn him... how could he...?" Raditz grimaced in pain and closed his eyes. "He's a goner! The fool."  
  
"Don't lose your big sleep over it." He looked up to see Piccolo talking to him. "I'll bet Goku will be back here in a week."  
  
"What? That's impossible! Tell... me... how!"  
  
"Gladly. On this planet, we have something we call 'dragonballs.' Whoever brings all seven dragonballs together gets any one wish granted. Goku's friends will use the dragonballs to wish him back in no time. It's Goku that will have the last laugh."  
  
"No. I'm afraid you're wrong, green man. This device on my face is also a transmitter. Fool." Raditz grinned weakly. "They've heard every word. Now... they'll come. I know they will. They'll want to make a wish..."  
  
But little did he realize that Vejita and Nappa weren't the only ones who'd heard Piccolo speak of the dragonballs. He'd forgotten that there were in fact two other saiya-jins that had survived Vejita-sei's destruction, both of them female and maniacal by nature. One was Vejita's older sister, Princess Vejitina. The other was her childhood friend and the last elemental of their kind, Musei Shino.   
  
Both had been sent away years before their planet's downfall on separate occasions, but for the same basic reason: distance from Freiza. They had exhibited incredible power in their youth; power King Vejita did not want said universe-conquering gay lizard to get a hold of.   
  
In their chaotic interstellar travels, the two eventually reunited and formed their own unholy alliance, having seen that the remaining male saiya-jins were still playing lackey under Freiza. Knowing better than to reveal themselves to the dark lord they bided their time, waiting for the day when Fate would hand them the keys to his destruction. It would not bring back their planet, but honor would be restored to the remainder of their once-proud race. And now, it seemed, Fate was smiling upon them at last…  
  
On a distant newly conquered planet, Vejita and Nappa were sitting around a small campfire, having just decimated a nearby city. The local restaurants had all been leveled, so they'd been forced to improvise and snack on the insect-like natives instead.  
  
"Raditz stinks!" Nappa grumbled.   
  
"What an idiot!" agreed Vejita, biting into an insect hand. He spat off to the side. "How could he let himself be beaten by men with such low fighting powers?"  
  
"I don't know. But I do know that I'm still hungry!" He looked at the insect warrior Vejita was sitting on and pointed. "You going to finish that, Boss?" Not waiting for an answer, the bald saiya-jin reached out only to have his hand bitchslapped away.  
  
"I saw it first, it's mine! Besides, we've got more important things to think about!"  
  
"Should we go destroy those Earthlings?"  
  
"I don't think so!" Vejita spat again then smirked, an idea forming in his head. "But then... I guess we could..."  
  
Nappa, his one-track mind still on food, was utterly confused. "Huh? Are you thinking about what Raditz said?"  
  
Vegeta chuckled at his subordinate's dumbfounded facial expression. He stood up and leaned against his round space pod. "Exactly. Those dragonballs caught my interest. Just think about it, Nappa: if we can get our hands on those seven dragonballs, then we could wish for anything we want."   
  
"So, would we wish for Raditz back to--?"  
  
Vejita smacked his forehead. Of all the male saiya-jins, why did it have to be the dumbass ones who survived?! (Other than himself of course.) "No you imbecile that would be a wasted wish! I'd wish for something grand." Nappa was about to suggest wishing for a grand feast but Vejita spoke again. "How would you like to be immortal, and fight forever?"  
  
Nappa grinned as they popped their pods open. "Now that's something I could live with for the rest of my life." He laughed at his own joke as he started to climb inside, but was the only one who did.   
  
"Then it's settled! We're off to the planet-" *WHAM!* "AAACK!!" The young prince of the saiya-jins had been suddenly jumped by a black and blue blur and knocked to the ground.  
  
"Going somewhere, LITTLE brother?!"   
  
Vejita managed to turn his head to the side and meet his sister's maniacal gaze. "What are you doing here Vejitina?!" He, as well as Raditz and Nappa had found out that she and Musei were still alive, but kept their mouths shut under threat of death.  
  
"You clods aren't the only ones who overheard that stuff about the dragonballs!"  
  
Nappa turned his head to face the squabbling siblings. "So what's your point?"  
  
Cackling was heard, and all three looked up to see Musei hovering overhead. "The point is you ain't goin' Cueball Brains! NORTH WIND!!"  
  
At her signal, a large gust of freezing cold wind came out of nowhere and turned Nappa into an ice statue. As he had been caught halfway inside, he teetered and fell out onto the ground.   
  
Vejita squirmed in an attempt to get free, but was pinned down by Vejitina. "Why you-"  
  
"Being family doesn't save anybody! Go find a barber planet bro." She threw him headfirst into the nearest tree and climbed into his open pod.  
  
Said tree happened to already have a big hole in it, which Vejita got his head stuck inside. "HEY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!"  
  
Musei landed on the ground and booted Nappa the Ice Statue away. "Fat chance Bush Head!" Her path clear, she climbed into the vacant pod. "Planet Earth, here we come!"  
  
"HELL YEAH!" Vejitina agreed as the pod doors closed. The pods started to glow, and lifted off into space. 


	2. Part 2: The Cricketjins Are Not What The...

Saiya-jin Saga, Ladies' Style  
Miranda Shadowind 

Author's Note/Warning: Here the subplot gets twisted by my demented mind so it won't look like a mere novelization of "Trouble On Arlia" with bits changed here and there. The cutscenes have been omitted due to "irrelevance," and I switched some of the remaining ones around so the chapter flows better. I also added a sentence to the first part to clarify the changed opening event in this one. 

Part 2: The Cricket-jins Are Not What They Seem 

Several months later, while the Z Senshi prepared and Goku attempted to navigate Snake Way ("~Follow the Blue Scaly Road, Follow the Blue Scaly Road, Follow, Follow…~"), Vejitina and Musei continued their path of destruction toward Earth…  
  
Without warning, the two hijacked pods came to an abrupt halt, throwing their passengers forward and into the doors. A brief bout of bitching and frothing later, Vejitina climbed back into her seat. "Computer, what the hell was that for?! We can't be close to Earth already!!"  
  
"We are now within one parsec of the planet Arlia as preset, Prince Vejita," came the reply. Apparently the egotistical prince had never taken pod snatchers into consideration, and consequently programmed the computer to refer to the rider as himself no matter what.   
  
"Vejita no bakayarou…" She radioed a dazed Musei with her scouter. "Musei! You all right in there?"  
  
A soft groan, then, "Yeah, but what happened?" The younger Wind Elemental was grateful for the lack of a viewscreen, not wanting her best friend to see her in her current state, whiplash aside. Being cut off from her natural element in space weakened Musei and made her hair turn from blue to brown.   
  
"Seems before we jumped him my braindead brother arranged a pit stop. Shall we investigate anyway?"  
  
Musei picked herself up and got comfortable again. "Might as well, we haven't had any real entertainment in a long time."  
  
The two pods streaked toward the nearby planet surrounded by red clouds, making twin craters in its surface and jarring their already-disgruntled occupants. The pods opened, but a minute or so passed before Vejitina and Musei exited. The latter summoned the West Wind and drew power from it, restoring her strength and causing her hair to return to its natural shade of bright blue.  
  
The pair glanced around at the blasted landscape. "Well, what do you think, Mus?"  
  
Musei scowled. "Pathetic."  
  
Vejitina nodded. "There hasn't been any missions to this planet for years, Goddess only knows why…"  
  
"So why'd Bush Brains pick it then?"  
  
"Good question. Maybe Freiza was interested in it."  
  
"Probably, but this is ridiculous!" She tapped on a stone column, causing it to crumble into dust. "Elite fighters doing the work of common scouts! For a shrimpy gay lizard no less!"  
  
"Settle down." Vejitina watched and inexplicably small black cloud passing by. "We can't help it if our planet was destroyed and the remaining males are idiots."  
  
Musei relaxed a bit and snickered. "Yeah... but virtually ALL the guys on our planet were idiots to begin with!"  
  
Now Vejitina was laughing as well. "Too true..." Their scouters blipped, and gigantic worms popped up out of the ground in front of them. "Well, well. Looks like the Welcome Wagon finally decided to show up!"  
  
Atop the worms were natives, large cricket-esc creatures with barred mouthparts. The lead Arlia-jin addressed the Saiya-jins, speaking through a synthesizer that made him nearly impossible to understand. "You are trespassing on Arlia-jin territory! Surrender at once!"  
  
Musei and Vejitina simply rolled their eyes at him.  
  
The Arlia-jin grabbed the hilt of his sword. "This is your last warning! Surrender now, or else!"  
  
Vejitina looked up at him smugly. "Nah."  
  
"Very well. You leave us no choice... but to destroy you!" He projected a stream of energy through its mouthparts at the Saiya-jins, causing a big explosion. The natives then leapt off their worms to assess the damage.   
  
"We got 'em!" a second Arlia-jin cried in triumph, but the victory was short-lived. The dust cleared, showing Vejitina and Musei standing exactly as they were before. "No way…"  
  
"Don't move!" yelled the first Arlia-jin.  
  
"Shyeah, right! Show's over!" Musei shouted, but received a quick closed transmission from Vejitina.  
  
'_Surrender. Let's have a little fun while we're here._'  
  
Musei gave a barely perceptible nod and held her wrists out. "We surrender."  
  
Lots of unintelligible noises were heard from the Arlia-jins as they discussed what to do with their new prisoners, who were handcuffed and led into a large cage pulled by the mutant worms. The only sentence they could make out was the last: "They'll make perfect servants for the King!"  
  
Vejitina grinned mischievously at Musei as the procession moved forward. '_We'll just see who serves who, ne?_'  
  
Musei grinned back. '_Hai!_'  
  
In the royal palace elsewhere on the planet, the king and queen of Arlia were watching a sword fight in their throne room/arena. Or rather, the king was. His bride sat far behind him on the dais steps, not sharing his enthusiasm. Or so it seemed…  
  
"He's giving the champion a run for his money!" the king exclaimed. "This is excellent. Lemlia, won't you join me?"

Lemlia, shrouded in pink, shook her head. "Please pardon me, Sire." Little did he know that the very idea repulsed her. In fact, there were a lot of things regarding his queen that the king was clueless about…

The king finished a piece of fruit he'd been munching on and offered another to Lemlia. "You have to eat something."  
  
"I'm not hungry, really," came the reply.  
  
"Lemlia, try to leave your past behind you! You are my queen now."  
  
"Some things never die..." She mournfully glanced down at the wide gold band around her forearm.   
  
The sudden loud clashing of metal below brought her out of her thoughts. There was a new champion in the arena. The old one was panicking and trying to escape, but guards surrounded him.  
  
"Enough!" barked the king. "Take Gregor to the pit!"  
  
This was exactly why ex-champion Gregor had been trying to flee. He'd seen it happen to the champion before him not too long ago.   
  
"No, not the pit! Please, sire, not the pit! Give me another chance!" he pleaded as the guards dragged him to another section of the arena floor. This particular spot was partitioned into four triangles, which quickly rolled out from under Gregor. Screaming, he fell into the "pit" below. When a loud *THUD* confirmed he had landed, the triangles started to roll back into place. "No, don't leave me down here! This isn't fair! HEEEELLLLPPP!!!!"  
  
Behind him, a massive form loomed, snarling…

More screaming, a sudden crunching of exoskeleton, then "You bit me! You bit me right in the arm! And now it's gone! AAAAHHH!!!!"

A deafening roar, more crunching sounds, and the wimp was silenced forever.

Meanwhile, Musei and Vejitina had been tossed into a large servants' area that contained several female Arlia-jins. A few of them were currently in positions that would scar just about anyone for life, so the two saiya-jins hesitated, trying not to notice or gag.   
  
"C'mon, you two, get in there!" barked one of the guards, shoving the pair forward. The door slid shut behind them. His ugly face appeared before the small barred window. "You'll be happy to know that your quarters don't have any bugs. The prisoners scared them all off! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"  
  
Musei spat in his face, and the guard retreated in disgust. "Remind me to kill that guy, okay?"  
  
Vejitina nodded. "Gotcha."  
  
By that time, a handful of Arlia-jins had noticed the new arrivals, and were studying them from afar.  
  
"They're some sort of alien," remarked one.  
  
"My goodness, they're an ugly bunch," added another. If her mouthparts weren't barred, she would have made a face.  
  
"Maybe they think WE'RE the ugly ones! Did you ever think of that?" a third piped up, paranoid. The first tried to comfort her.  
  
"You're sick!" cried the second. The two newcomers couldn't help but agree with her, but applied the statement to the group in general.  
  
"Be quiet, all of you!" snapped a fourth. "It doesn't matter what their size and shape is. They're our sisters. Victims and prisoners because of what they are, just like us! I'm afraid you visitors have come at a bad time. Our new King is ruthless and quite prejudiced. He makes toys out of the men and slaves of us lesbians!"  
  
Vejitina and Musei glanced at each other, eyes widening briefly before they stared back at the one who had come out of the closet. Now they knew why no one had dared venture out here in years...  
  
"Hey! We're not-" Vejitina started, but was cut off.  
  
"He even went so far as to steal my lover Lemlia from me on the day we were to be married in secret!" She showed them the wide gold band around her forearm. "You can imagine the pain I feel."  
  
"That's nothing compared to the pain you'll be feeling in a minute..."  
  
Not much later, the king lazily looked up at the binary suns of his planet. "I'm suffering from royal boredom..."  
  
A guard rushed in from the wings. "Sire! Earlier today we captured two alien women. They're in the servants' quarters now!"  
  
"Alien women! That could make for an interesting show! Bring them." Just then, a loud explosion rocked the castle, followed by screaming and wailing. "What the hell is going on?!"  
  
"We're already here!" Vejitina's voice called out a minute or so later.  
  
The king and guard turned to see her and Musei standing in the arena doorwy, grinning evilly. "What is the meaning of this?!"  
  
"Your disgusting servants met with an 'unfortunate accident.'" was the reply as they approached the dais.  
  
The king snarled, and would have scowled deeply if he could. "Soon it will be your turn to meet with an 'unfortunate' accident! Lemlia, you don't have to look at them."  
  
"I'm fine," she lied. To be truthful, she was worried for her beloved's safety.  
  
"Even I find them repulsive."  
  
"Save it Cricket Boy!" Musei snapped.  
  
"Mus..." Vejitina chided.  
  
The king thought for a moment. "It will be interesting to see how they fare against our champion. Essa! Do you mind giving these ladies a lesson in arena combat?"  
  
The new champion, Essa, stepped into view. "Certainly, sire."  
  
"Essa! You will retire a wealthy man if you can defeat both of them! Now let the games begin!" He threw down a white handkerchief to signal the beginning of the match.  
  
Essa leapt for the two with his sword drawn, but Vejitina pointed two glowing fingers at him and shot a single beam. A headless corpse collapsed onto the ground where Essa once stood.  
  
"Hmph," muttered Vejitina, expecting more of a challenge.  
  
Musei grinned. "I guess that makes you the new champion."  
  
Vejitina smirked in a manner similar to her brother's. "Indeed it does."  
  
But the king wasn't ready to give up just yet. "Several of our warriors have mastered similar techniques using energy."  
  
"They have; interesting. Well, we'd like to fight them."  
  
"C'mon, your 'Heinyness.' Bring on the cricket brigade. We're ready."  
  
Musei barely finished speaking before several sword-bearing warriors leapt up and surrounded them. Like the worm riders before them, they fired energy blasts from their mouthparts, but the Saiya-jins just smirked. When the barrage was over, the pair was unhurt, surrounded by a clear red bubble of energy.  
  
Vejitina cocked her head. "Was that it? It felt good. Real... refreshing."  
  
Now the king was really mad. "Insolent fools! Guards, destroy them!"  
  
The fighters closed in, but Musei simply started laughing insanely and began to spin in place. Faster and faster, until she was a nothing but a blur, the wind swirling rapidly around her and Vejitina. "HURRICANE SPREAD!!!" The condensed wind spread out in all directions, slamming the guards into the surrounding walls.  
  
Panicking, the king screamed out "Exterminate! Exterminate!"  
  
The entrance to "The Pit" opened, and a huge monstrous insect creature appeared from the ground. It rose up through gases and a purple haze, which slowly faded. There was a pause while it towered over the Saiya-jins.  
  
"So, it's the old giant-under-the-ground-trick, eh?" Vejitina mused.  
  
"Destroy those women! They're... very bad women?"  
  
Musei looked at her best friend. "WE'RE bad?"  
  
Vejitina looked amused. "Well... a little. Apparently he's never been down to the servants' quarters."  
  
The monster swept down with a claw, but the Saiya-jins split up and took to the air. It fired eye beams at Vejitina, but she ran along the wall. The fight began to topple surrounding structures. The monster swiped again, but Musei grabbed one of its fingers. It got ripped off shortly before the monster's Poison Cloud Butt Syndrome was revealed to the world.  
  
Musei coughed and held her nose. "By the by, before I forget, I have something for you." She threw a large wind/ki ball at the monster, causing it to explode.  
  
Out of defense options, the king tried to flee, but Vejitina glared at him scornfully. "Coward." She lifted two glowing fingers again.  
  
"Please, don't hurt me!" he pleaded, only to be hit by a flying rock. His throne then collapsed on top of his head.  
  
Near the other side of the room, a familiar garbled voice was heard. "It sounds like there was fighting above, too. Lemlia, please be okay..." The lesbian insect with the gold band around her forearm slowly appeared in a doorway. "Unbelievable! The King and his Royal Guard have been destroyed!"  
  
Ignoring her, Vejitina tapped the side of her scouter, "Computer!"  
  
Back at the twin craters, her space pod's computer came to life. "Yes, Prince Vejita."  
  
She'd have to override that glitch, but that could wait. "Come here at once!"  
  
"Affirmative. Initiating sequence."  
  
In the meantime, the Arlia-jin had figured out what had just happened. "Do you two realize what you have done?!" Musei and Vejitina looked at him indifferently. "You've released us from years of bondage!  
  
At last, Arlia is a place where a new beginning can be made. One where my kind can have rights! From now on, you two visitors from space will be known as heroines among our people."   
  
The pods arrived, and the Saiya-jins levitated toward them, not looking back.  
  
"You will always have a home on Arlia!" the insect further proclaimed. "We'll never forget what you've done for us."  
  
"Atla? Atla, it's me!" another female voice cried from the shadows.  
  
Distracted, Atla ran toward the crumbling dais steps. She didn't see the Saiya-jin enter the pods and leave. "Does my pounding heart deceive me? Is it really--?"  
  
The widowed queen stepped out into the open, nodding. "It is I, your Lemlia."  
  
"Oh, joy! You've returned to my barren soul!"  
  
A few miles into space, the pods stopped and hovered. The hatches opened, and their occupants stepped out onto the doors.  
  
Musei yawned. "That sicko said we were the heroines. Riiight..."  
  
"Heroines ain't all they're cracked up to be," agreed Vejitina. She pointed two fingers toward the planet, and a narrow beam of energy headed for it…  
  
Back on Arlia-sei, Lemlia and Atla were running toward each other in semi-slow motion.  
  
"Oh, Atla!" cried the former.  
  
"Oh, Lemlia, my darling!" sighed Atla. "At last we are together! Forever!"   
  
"Forever!" Lemlia echoed as they met.  
  
A bright light suddenly appeared around them, the last thing they ever saw. The only ones who saw the light and lived to tell the tale were the planets "heroines" as it reflected off their faces.  
  
"It's a pity there's never a camera around when you need one, ya know?" Vejitina commented as the pair watched Arlia vaporize in a series of bright flashes. Its moon was brought into the resulting vortex and destroyed with along it.  
  
"There goes the neighborhood!" Musei cackled.  
  
"Well, Mus, I think we did the Universe a public service."  
  
"I'll say. Earth'd better not be the same way."  
  
"Hopefully it won't, but we could always find another planet to conquer when we're done. Now, on to Earth for the DragonBalls. And then we'll make our wish."  
  
The pair cackled maniacally, re-entered their respective pods, and took off again.  
  
To Be Concluded… 


End file.
